December 12, 2018
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Jacob Shafer is a journalist and editor who has written for various newspapers, magazines and media companies from the San Francisco Bay Area to Maui. Also a lifelong baseball junkie who enjoys few things more than a game and a microbrew on a hot summer afternoon. Speaking of which...
4-0 after Cheeseball - write the story Jacob!
Hello Mr. Shafer and the Bleacher Report MLB Team,
Hope all is well – I am a big fan of the site, the sport and everything in between! I wanted to bring an intriguing story to your attention for an article or possible video series. To give some back story, as you are all aware, the New Yankees have been struggling recently losing their division lead to their arch nemesis, the Boston Red Sox. It has been a struggle for Yankees fans, not sure where to turn or why this happened to them. That is, until Monday. Monday the New York Yankees started a series, a Subway Series, with their little brother from Queens, The New York Mets. The New York Yankees have outscored the New York Mets 9-6 over the last two days, dominating the series. This is quite the rise from the depths of hell that the Yankees found themselves in on Sunday.
What if I told you I know the cause of the demise and the reason for the rise…
The Sports Gods are sick, a group of sick, sick spirits that will penalize, torture and force you into submission for the littlest infractions. I follow a group chat of four individuals (three are diehard Yankees fans, one we think likes sports just for the beer/bar aspect). Now you may think I am exaggerating, but I can look you in the eyes and swear to you, this group has been watched very closely by the Sports Gods for over a year and a half now. For example - on an August Friday, as the Yankees were making a push for the division, one of the group chat members decided to order a Boston Lager at a possible New York bar. The Yankees did not win a game for the rest of the season. Which brings me to the most recent issue – another one of the group chat members received a shirt as a gift, a Yankees Jeter shirt. A very nice shirt. Before the shirt was received, the Yankees were leading the division, closely trailing the Houston Astros for the best record in the AL. After the receipt of the shirt, the Yankees dropped to second in the AL and had the worst record in that time frame in baseball. The group chat member did whatever he could do get the spirit out of his life and “get good” with the Sports Gods – put it in his girlfriend’s car, leave it at work. He even buried the shirt in his backyard to find it folded on his door step the next morning. The Yankees needed help, the group chat needed help. What did they need - A prayer? A spiritual savant? Or……a cheeseball?
On August 14th, a random Monday in the groupchat, the members were on their usually Monday banter – food, girls and sports. Until one of the members, the same member who received the shirt, had an unorthodox text. He texted the phrase “Get me a cheeseball, Go Yankees!” with a picture of the notorious “Tommy Cheeseballs” from MTV True Life fame. Tommy is commonly known as “the first true MTV Reality star”. And like I mentioned above, the New York Yankees have not lost since, dominating their little brother. I bring this story to you to find out how and why. Why did the Sports Gods use Tommy Cheeseballs as their vessel for this group chat, why did this happen on Monday August 14th. What Tommy Cheeseballs has done for my group chat has been utterly amazing, it has given us hope in humanity again.
I will be pitching this story to HBO Real Sports and ESPN 30 for 30 but wanted to throw it your way first as I am a fan of the site. I want to bring this story to the masses and figure out where Tommy Cheeseball is today……so we can figure this whole thing out. But more importantly, thank you. Thank you for giving hope to a group chat that desperately needed a hero.
Betts vs Trout.. You compare batting numbers.. Why not mention that Betts is in one of the most hitter friendly parks in MLB while Trout is in the third most pitcher friendly stadium? Trout would put up 50+ HR a year and bat .370 if he played in a field like Betts gets to.
No on 8 innings. What they need to do is stop pitchers warm up (and throwing ball in infield) between inningd and when relief pitcher comes in. The AL pitchers can go to bull pen between innings to stay loose and NL can warm up along first base. Then we can move quickly batter to batter, inning to inning and this will shorten games by at least 1 hour!!!
Awesome work on the Yankees piece, Jacob. Really enjoyed the read.
Love your writing. Keep up the good work.
How can you say we are borderline dirty, give me an example.
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"...cavernous Safeco Field"? That ship has sailed Jacob!