This is the first edition of my new weekly column. It’s irrelevant and pointless. If I weren’t me, I wouldn’t read it. But I really hope you enjoy it.
A few days back, I received a text from one of my friends that now lives quite a distance from me. It was one of those texts that made me stop what I was doing in order to draw attention to it and laugh out loud.
You know, the type of text where you make everyone in the room stop what they’re doing, interrupt the semi-boring story being told, and then act like you’re handing out a word for Text of the Year.
Unfortunately, with all this buildup, I can’t reveal the message here verbatim, due to some mild inappropriate context. But to paraphrase, the friend was frustrated that the only sport he could enjoy on TV at the time was college women’s softball.
That was until he stopped and actually looked at the players.
Obviously, he realized the rosters of Washington and Florida were loaded with attractive athletes.
Why was this humorous? Well, outside my male burp-and-fart joke immaturity, I was watching the same game, having the same conversation with another friend less than an hour later. In fact, we went as far as to rate the attractiveness of each player.
I’ve never thought of myself as sexist. Why would I? Come on, I LOVE women. But after enjoying my real-life LOL moment, it finally dawned on me.
I’m slightly pathetic.
At this point, female readers are probably nodding in agreement. Don’t think you’re exempt, males. Two-thirds of you are floating downriver in the same boat with me.
Here’s my beef with the male sports following: we watch the guy sports for the excitement, for the passion, for the competition, and for the conversations we get to have.
We watch the girl sports because they’re hot.
I know, I know. Women watch sports because the guys are hot, too. But a lot of the gals watch sports for the same season us boys do. Why can’t we do the same?
If sports fans stop and watch many exciting women’s sports, they’ll be surprised. There’s the same amount of athleticism, hard work, dedication, and passion involved in these games. Give the ladies some credit, because they deserve it.
It doesn’t hurt when they’re quite fine, though.
With that, here’s my fumblers and stumblers of the week:
Just when I dedicate a several paragraphs promoting women’s sports, I take it right back. Don’t worry, it’s justified. This week, the WNBA’s Phoenix franchise unveiled its new uniforms for the upcoming season. It’s a subtle change…er, kind of.
Playing in a league in need of positive promotion, the Mercury thought it best to stop promoting itself on the front of the jerseys and instead promote…LifeLock.
Yeah, you know, the identity theft company. Yes, this makes perfect sense and should bring PLENTY of good vibes to women’s basketball.
Oh, but don’t worry. The team got a little shoulder patch, just so you remember you’re not watching team LifeLock. I can just hear the uplifting pregame speech now:
“Don’t play for the name on the back of the jersey, play for the name on the front…or, the little graphic thingy on your shoulder.”
Gary Bettman is such a cute little man. He would fit right in with Gizmo from Gremlins and the Ewoks from Star Wars. Just don’t let the guy run your pro sports franchise.
It’s bad enough he traded in the ESPN spotlight for broadcasting rights on the Bullriding and Hunting Network (to be fair, they have a whole lot semi-pro MMA fights no one cares about, too).
But then Bettman decided it was best to rush the start of the Stanley Cup Finals and play the first two games on back-to-back nights for the first time since the 1950s.
Well, it does seem logical. NBC had broadcasting rights to both games, and didn’t want them to clash with Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show debut.
That’s legit. If the NHL has a chance to have its games on network TV, make it work. Except when you’re duking it out with the NBA.
The NHL went head-to-head with Game Six of the Eastern Conference Finals, and will battle the NBA on Thursday night as well. In Detroit, Pittsburgh, maybe Buffalo, possibly Boston and probably Minnesota, this is a fair fight. In the rest of the nation, it’s basically a matchup similar to that in 300.
Except with more lopsided domination. Oh, and no nine-foot tall Persian alien monsters.
No matter what I do, I seem to somehow work a Detroit reference into every piece of work I do (please, let me drop out of the Bill Simmons School of Journalism). Today is no different.
The D-Train had a poopy spring. He had anxiety issues. He went on the DL. He had several rehab starts, most of which showed signs of progress. He dominated a first-place, offensive-minded Texas Rangers lineup.
Oh, wait. With a rotation in flux and the possibility of six or seven starters trying to find their place in a strong Tiger starting squad, ‘Trelle unraveled after the start against Texas. He was decent against the Colorado Rockies, allowing three runs but still picking up the loss.
Then Thursday happened.
Against the first-place Boston Red Sox, Willis got out of the first and second innings unscathed. He was handed a three-run lead on a silver platter.
Instead of taking advantage, he fell apart, allowing five runs through two-and-one third. It was about that time when the bullpen had to go to work, fighting off the Red Sox batters for six-and-two thirds innings.
Damn, it feels good to be a Tigers fan.
Feel free to add (or subtract) your own fumblers and stumblers. There’s a good chance I’ll agree, a slight chance I’ll disagree, or maybe I’ll just ignore everyone all together. Who knows.